There are three basic rules for having good teeth:           1. Brush them twice a day.           2. See your dentist twice a year.           3. Keep you nose out of other people's business.

New Dog Cross Breeds Collie + Lhasa Apso Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport Spitz + Chow Chow Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot Pointer + Setter Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet Great Pyrenees + Dachshund Pyradachs, a puzzling breed Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso Peekasso, an abstract dog Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists Newfoundland + Basset Hound Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors Terrier + Bulldog Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes Bloodhound + Labrador Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly Malamute + Pointer Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway Collie + Malamute Commute, a dog that travels to work Bull Terrier + Shitzu Oh, never mind....I'll leave that one to you!

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well," he spoofed, "Down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought  about how they must make condoms!" "

A woman goes to the dentist for a bad toothache. After the examination.... DENTIST: "Sorry Miss, I'm going to have to remove the tooth" PATIENT: "No, no..that's too painful - I'd rather have a baby than a tooth out." DENTIST: "Hurry up and let me know,  I've got to adjust the chair."

"Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient."Good God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen -- the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

Things that sound dirty in a dentists office, but aren't:              Can you open your mouth a bit wider?            Damn it, I think it broke off            Please don't bite down on my equipment            Open wide, this wont hurt a bit              I am going to drill you now              Here is some laughing gas...you won't feel a thing              I think I can fill it with what I've got              You will feel a little prick              If you feel uncomfortable, just jerk your head and I'll pull out

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl looked at him and says, "You must be a dentist!" Flabbergasted, the guy responded, "Yes, that's amazing how did you figure that out?" The girl said, "Easy...you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said, "You must be a GREAT dentist!" The guy was very very surprised, and said, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist...How did you figure that out??" The girl said, "Easy...I didn't feel a thing."

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's hip a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?", asked the dentist. "Not much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep?"

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled!!!

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain ? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

One day a frog hopped into a bank, hopped up onto the counter and looked at the teller and said "Hello, what's your name?" "Mr. Paddywack" Said the teller. "Well Mr. Paddywack, I'd like a loan please." said the frog The teller looked at the frog and thought how unusual it was to have a frog ask for a loan, but not wishing to upset the frog, he proceeded to get out the necessary forms. "What's your name?" asked the teller. "Kermit Jagger" replied the frog. "Kermit Jagger?" said the teller. Adding "You aren't any relation to Mick are you?" "Why yes." said the frog "He's my dad." "Do you have any collateral?" asked the teller. "Well I have these." said the frog, handing over two pink china objects to the teller. The teller looked at them, not knowing what they were and says "I'm just going to have a chat with my Bank Manager, I won't be a minute" "Oh, give him my regards." said the frog. "He knows me well." The teller goes into the back and knocks on the Manager's door and goes in. "I've...erm....got this....erm....frog outside sir." Says the teller. "He says you know him well. His name is Kermit Jagger. I asked him if he has any collateral but all he was able to give me were these two pink china objects, I haven't a clue what they are" "Ahh, yes" Says the Bank Manager. "I do know him. Let me have a look at his collateral" The teller hands over the pink china objects to the Bank Manager who picks them up, takes a look at them and says: "It's ok....these are nic-naks Paddywack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a rolling stone!" (Oh, well.....you can't all have a sense of humour like mine....!!!!)

Anyone know the six most frightening words in the world ??? "The Dentist will see you now."

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FRIENDS REUNITED

Want to find old school friends?  Someone you haven't seen for 10 - 20 - 30 years or more? Visit the FRIENDS REUNITED website and look up your old school(s). You can add yourself to your school for free or pay just £5 for a year. Paying means that you can send an email to anyone whose name appears on your school's list. If you don't want to pay the fee you are unable to send email but old friends can email you.

I have met up with people I had not seen for over 30 years!! Give it a try....you never know who you will find!!

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