AFTER THE WAR

In this poem, Patsy followed the same process of rewriting she used to rewrite her St. George's Day poem.

STEP ONE: WRITING THE 'STORY'
(FINDING THE SENSE)
Once you have decided on the story you want to tell, write it. If you have time, write it two or three times, and have the group listen to you read the versions (and ask them to make a note of any comments you make outside the poem to explain the story).

STEP TWO: MAKING IT SOUND LIKE A POEM
(FINDING THE SOUND)
Rewrite each line until it sounds like poetry, not prose. In this case, Patsy's original drafts in STEP ONE simply described the chocolate as 'wonderful. ' In STEP TWO she expanded the description of the chocolates to help create the same sense of wonder and delight in the reader that she felt as a child.

In all three versions of the original story, Patsy, after reading the poem, added, "There isn't really a moral, I just wanted to know 'Where's my bloody chocolates.' "

This phrase (as well as the phrases 'melting in my mouth' and 'they were just there') seemed to be a consistant part of the oral story, but Patsy didn't consider the language formal enough to be written as 'Poetry.' Once she included these phrases as part of the poem, it moved from a prose account to a poetic re-creation of childhood.

Including 'Where's my bloody chocolates' also gives the reader an alternative explanation for why the child was sent to bed (for swearing, not for her temper tantrum). It also creates the voice of an indulged, though not spoiled, child for the persona.

STEP THREE: EXPLORING THE SUBTEXT
(FINDING THE MEANING)
Explore the back-story.
In this case: Patsy had been evacuated to the countryside at the age of two while her father served in the army and her mother continued to work in London at a Munitions Factory. After the War, the family was re-united, and the mother's job in the Sweet Shop helped the family enormously.

Although it was important exposition for the first draft narrative, this specific biographical imformation isn't needed in the poem. It is important to know that the chocolates were brought every Friday, which was the end of the working week for Patsy's mother.

The five-year-old persona would not consider what might have led to the failure to bring chocolates, but the poet hints at a back story so that adult readers can create their own tensions in the half-told story.

STEP FOUR: FINDING THE ENDING. After considering possible ways to end the poem (is there a moral? Did Patsy change as a result of her punishment? Were there any repercussions (aside from the immediate being sent to bed without supper)? As the poem is simply a memory of glorious  luxuries enjoyed, taken away, and then restored, Patsy ended the poem with the experience of eating her chocolates the next week.

STEP FIVE: MAKING IT LOOK LIKE A POEM
(FINDING THE STRUCTURE)
Patsy moved the phrase 'After the War' in her first draft to make it her title. This gave the poem a political and cultural context for the reader (although the reader must decide which War Patsy is talking about).

Finally, Patsy made minor adjustments to line lengths, reconsidered line breaks and stanza breaks, and revised her list of descriptive words to intensify the sensuous qualities of eating chocolate.