Dumb & Not
so Dumb FAQ's...
Some people are just new to
hearses, and others, well, they're just dumb.
Your
purchases through our amazon search box benefit this site
and keep it online, thank you!
- M-M's are boxy, have art
deco-ish interiors, and straight landau bars.
- Eureka's have classic
lines, crisp angular styling, and are the
most gothic of the coachworks. Some older
Eureka's have an chrome "lamp" on
the side. Landau bars usually have
"pointy" ends..
- S&S are rounded on
top, usually have some sort of weeping willow
thing on 'em, or in 'em, and have black &
chrome landau bars...
- Superior's look like chop
tops (low roof lines), have fiberglass
between the roof line & the body (prone
to going BAD), and curved landau bars.
- Q: Where can I
get one?
A: Visit our for sale or classifieds section for the answer to that
one....
- Q: Where can I
find used hearses, ambulances, etc?
A: Again, visit our for sale or classifieds section for the answer to that
one....
- Q: Where can I
find a hearse dealer or hearse for sale ads?
A: Argh, will you just go to the for sale or classifieds section before I bust a vein?
- Q: Cool! Your
car has suicide doors!
A: It's called a Sideloader. The casket can be
admitted through these doors on some models, by
folding down the front seat, and opening the
doors up, WIDE! Hearses with conventional
doors are called Endloaders...Funny how they call
them SUICIDE doors, huh?
- Q: How do you
get the coffin through the suicide doors?
A: Well, in my hearse Lurch for instance, he has
an electric table, that the coffin sits on, and
when you push a button, the table slides in and
out of the hearse. People often rip this stuff
out, which I think is a total waste. If you look
around, you'll find one that's already gutted.
Trust me, you're not the first person to rip out
the back of a hearse. Please don't waste another
one.
Note: If you goof off with an electric table,
like sticking a couch on it, IT WILL BREAK.
Don't do it..
- Q: COOL! I
want one..Want to sell it?
A: NO.
- Q: How many
dead people have been in there?
A: I called the funeral home that owned my hearse
previously, and they looked up in their Red Book
(a record keeping book Funeral Homes use) and
they gave me the grand total of 4,782. I've taken
about 30 more at the funeral home I work for. But
it all varies depending on the location of the
funeral home. I once saw a drop dead gorgeous
1967 Caddy Superior Crown Royale Sovereign that
was from Soledad, and it only did 50 cases
(that's STIFF ONES in mortician talk) a
year! The amount of use can really shows on the
funeral car, so the lower the better.
- Q: I found
this hearse for sale, and the owner says it was
in a famous movie/carried a famous dead star, but
how do I know he/she's telling the truth??
A: Get documentation. DEMAND it. Never
believe anyone on face value. If I had a dollar
for every dork who's told me they've had a famous
person in their hearse, whatever. Documented
proof is where it's at, not "he said",
"she said". Anyone else is probably
lying out of their rear end...Good proof is:
Title Searches, Funeral Home Red Book records,
movie co. paperwork, stuff like that...
- Q: I need a
hearse for this movie I'm doing for a student
project, film festival, etc, etc?
A: That's nice. If you don't have insurance for
your movie, transportation to and fro the set for
the vehicle (for out of the area locations), and
at least $300 a day (we do give a deal for longer
shoots), don't bother asking us....
- Q: That's not
really a hearse is it?
A: Go away!
- Q: Why do I
have to live in CA to join?
A: 'Cause webspace doesn't grow on trees. It
costs money honey.
- Q: Can I rent
you guys for my Halloween Party, Prom,
whatever...
A: Nope, we don't have Limo insurance, and are
you going to pay for damages if one of your drunk
guests breaks something?
- Q: Will you
marry me?
A: That depends, you gotta a big driveway?
Seriously though, I appreciate the interest, but
I'm dating a shy sweetie of a man, and I'm happy.
- Q: How do I
make my exhaust shoot flames out? I saw a hearse
that did that, and I think it's so killer!
A: Visit flame kit faq's for the answer to that one. Do it
at your own risk.
- Q: Why aren't
all hearses black?
A: Well, some were ordered blue, brown, whatever.
I know that Darling & Fischer in my area has
all brown equipment, and Jones in East Palo
Alto, CA has all green
equipment. It's just personal preference. Also
I've noticed in this day and age, there is a
great trend towards white hearses. But if there's
like two million gazillion coats of different
paint going on with your hearse, there's a simple
answer: In the 60's America tried to glamourize
death, and quite a few funeral homes painted
their "gloomy" black hearses anything
but black. This included pink, mint green,
baby
blue, and other
pastelicious colors..But funeral directors are
notoriously CHEAP, so these paint jobs
were often Earl Scheib jobbies, and flaked off,
but FAST! For more info on this read
"The American Way of Death", by Jessica
Mitford..
- Q: Don't you
have any respect for the dead?
A: Please wait a moment while I turn on the part
of my brain that gives a damn about Idiots like
you. I was a licensed mortician, I used to live
and work at a funeral home, and I have nothing
but respect for the dead. In fact, I recently
battled off the start of cancer, and won. My
father was dying of cancer, and I answered Grim Rides email every damn day. If I can
still drive a hearse, after going through all of
that, then you really need to get a grip, and
take that little judgemental attitude of yours,
and stick it where the sun don't shine. People in
this day and age have serious hang ups with
death, and really need to get over it!!! I can't
help it if seeing my hearse makes you feel guilty
about some unresolved thing you got going
on...Live your dang life in the present for god's
sake..Gee whiz, some people are so darn serious.
Don't take life so seriously, it isn't permanent.
- Q: Can I touch
it?
A: Can I kick you?
- Q: Have you
ever done it in your hearse??
A: I don't know about anybody else, but I
haven't. Lurch would get jealous.
- Q: I went to
get my brakes done, and they told me they're
commercial parts. What the heck does that mean?
A: It means that those
parts are individual to the limos 'n hearses,
ambulances, etc.They're heavy duty 'cause of the
weight of the vehicle. Don't freak it's nothing
weird, just annoying 'cause sometimes you can't
find those parts easy. Kanter is good for
suspension (look in Hemmings under suspension)
and brakes.
- Q: Is the
insurance crazy expensive?
A: No, it's just like a regular car. If you are
not going to drive it frequently, I'd recomend
getting classic car insurance or RV insurance if
you can. It'll save you money..Call your agent
for more info..
- Q: Do you
worship Satan?
A: Not me, you'll have to talk to Shiva or Jeff
El Diablo for that one......
- Q: Do you have
any more pictures of yourself?
A: Nope, the focus of this site is the funeral
cars, not me, sorry. Besides, I'm shy, I don't
dig on attention, much less pictures.
- Q: Is it true
you're what HBO'S Six Feet Under based the
character Claire on? I saw that on a Six Feet
Under site...
A: I dunno. If it is,
I'd sure like a check about now...
- Q: Is it true
you were a stripper and a mortician? That's wild.
A: Yup. What can I say? I like 'em stiff.
- Q: Anyone ever
tell you you're a bitch?
A: Yup, plenty of times, if I actually cared, I'd
be heartbroken. Boo hoo, hand me a kleenex. I get
over three hundred emails a week, and I'm a busy
chick. The amount of hearse people on the
internet is astounding. I don't get paid for
this, and at the same time, I get yanked in two
million different directions, I can't be there
for everyone, so inevitably, someone is gonna
have hurt feelings 'cause I didn't answer their
email right away, or help them find their dream
hearse, I'm sorry, but this is just how it is.
It's not my fault if you get all butt hurt upset
'cuz I didn't email you back within 60 seconds.
Patient people get bonus points from me.
- Q: What's your
evil agenda? What's your long term goals? Where
is Grim Rides headed? I need to know whether or
not I should support you. (other hearse/funeral
car clubs like to ask this)
A: And you are who? Gee whiz, like it's any of
your business. Fine, my goal is to rule the
world, and have an army of hearses do my
bidding.. Is that what you want to hear? My goal
is to enjoy my cars, other folks cars, my fiends,
the site, and if I help someone, or entertain
someone in the process, then I'm stoked. If I
don't, then oh well, don't let the door hit you
in the butt on the way out.
After all
that, you STILL have a question?
Email me @ grimrides@aol.com and it better be good.
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back to grim rides
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