The Butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body (or head) and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

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                        Adversity

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her.  She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling.  It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen.  He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.  Soon the pots came to a boil.  In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans.  He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing.  In about twenty minutes he turned off the burners.  He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl.  He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.  Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.  She did and noted that they were soft.  He then asked her to take an egg and break it.  After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.  Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee.  She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile.  Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior.  But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique however.  After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you," he asked his daughter.  "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?  Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? "

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A while back I read about an expert on subject of time. One day the expert spoke to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used the following illustration.

As this man stood in front of the group he said, "Okay, for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class said, "Yes."

Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was onto him.

"Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied.

He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

A student raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!"

"No, you are wrong." the speaker replied, "That is not the point at all. The truth this illustration teaches us is this. If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all."

What are the "big rocks" in your life?
A project that you want to accomplish?
Time with your loved ones?
Your faith, your education, your finances?
A cause?
Teaching or mentoring others?

Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all.

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If

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,

And measles were nice and a lie wasn't a lie,

Life would be a delight,--

But things couldn't go right

For in such a sad plight

wouldn't be

If earth was heaven and now was hence,

And past was present, and false was true,

There might be some sense

But I'd be in suspense

For on such a pretense

You wouldn't be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,

And dirt was clean and tears were glee

Things would seem fair,--

Yet they'd all despair,

For if here was there

We wouldn't be we.

by e.e. cummings

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The Awakening

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH!  Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.   And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

 You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

 So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime.  And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

 -        ­        how you should look and how much you should weigh

-        ­        what you should wear and where you should shop

-        ­        where you should live or what type of car your should drive

-        ­        who you should marry and why you should stay

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in.  And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

 You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions.  And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare.  And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.  Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

 And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by.  Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive [1] and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving.   And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

 And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom to pursue your own dreams.

 And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships.  You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising.  And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear you give yourself permission to rest.  And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

 Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.  And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch.  You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you.   So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to  place  blame for the things that  were  done to  you or weren’t done  for  you.   And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

 You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture.  And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside.  You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.   You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake.   Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO.   You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

 Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship.  You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.  You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.   You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.”  Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love.  And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

 Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past.  So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change.  You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through. 

 And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it.  And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself.   So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.  You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom. 

 Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates.  And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth.  Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire.  And a sense of power is born of self-reliance.  And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life.  And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility.  Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

 Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can. 

 A word about the Power of Prayer:  In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and  courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do. 

 Remember this: “You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.”   My “God” has never failed me.

Copyright © 1999 Sonny Carroll All Rights Reserved

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