Before you go any further, ask yourself
this question... Do you really belong here?
Okay, so maybe you're not 'ana', but you want to be. You want to lose ten,
fifteen or even twenty pounds so you can look good for that special occasion
that's fast approaching.
Do you really know what it is you're getting yourself into? Have you the
faintest idea of what it is like to live, or even die, with an eating disorder?
Imagine this, if you will. Picture your worst fear. Maybe you're afraid of
heights. Perhaps you're scared of snakes or spiders. Whatever it is, hold that
image in your mind's eye.
Feeling panicked yet?
Can you feel your throat tighten and your pulse quicken? Is the room spinning?
Good. Now multiply that a hundredfold. Yes, that's right.
Are you terrified? You should be.
Now, apply that panic to food. Imagine lifting your favourite food to your mouth
- maybe you enjoy a juicy burger and chips or perhaps you prefer a nice big
chicken Caesar salad - and imagine your heart hammering in your chest. Imagine
your hands shaking, not allowing you to put that food into your mouth. Imagine
what it would be like to have a panic attack every time you sit down to eat,
even something as low-fat and good for you as a salad.
Next, imagine trying to go about your normal activities feeling so hungry that
you start having dizzy spells, black outs or even fainting? You can't
concentrate. Every step you take sends the world spinning anew. You don’t know
where you’re going. You’re bumping into people, stumbling around like a drunk.
You know you have to eat and you sit down to your little salad and mineral water
during your lunch break and can’t force yourself to eat it. Despite knowing that
you are, quite literally, starving to death, imagine still not been able to
force yourself to eat?
Not a pretty picture, is it? But that is what having an eating disorder is like.
People who suffer from this disorder, people like myself, feel this every time
we sit down to eat.
This is what we live with every moment of every day. This is what we cannot
escape from.
If the above has not served as sufficient warning, let me assure you that it is
impossible to 'make' yourself develop an eating disorder. That said, I am not
willing to bet anyone's life on that. It is for this reason that you will not
find any "tips," "tricks," or "how-to" guide to developing an eating disorder.
You may be asking what the purpose of this site is, then. First and foremost, it
is to offer support to others who struggle with eating disorders. It also offers
the viewer a glimpse into my own personal battles with these illnesses.
With that, let me welcome you to my world.