Nine years ago a small group of men at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Arlington (Virginia) met to watch a tape of "A Gathering of Men", an interview by Bill Moyers of the poet Robert Bly. We were blown away -- and immediately convened ourselves in our own gathering,
The Church had not been home to a place for men to meet since the late sixties -- when that men's group was home to many exciting political discussions. That group died when it was opened to women. Members of the church, especially women, were initially suspicious that the new exclusionary Council was merely misogynism in disguise. They were ultimately disabused of that fear.
The purpose of the Council is, and has been
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The council is not about women or a reaction to feminism. It is about men and their unique virtues and experiences. It is about their wounds and their powers. It is about having integrity, and building healthy relationships with other people. For many men the Council is an introduction to men's work in a non-threatening, nurturing atmosphere. And, many men go on to other activities including more difficult psychic explorations such as the ManKind Project's New Warrior Adventure Weekend. |
| We meet monthly -- the first Sunday of every month -- a schedule that men can depend on and one that was recently changed by popular request. We have no bylaws, no elections, and no dues (just monthly donations to keep up our mailings). After some linguistic excursions we settled on "Anchor" for the title of the man who would take responsibility for running the meeting. By custom the Anchor serves for a year and is named by the outgoing Anchor from among those regular attendees who have not yet had the duty. There is also a volunteer newsletter editor. Other roles are assumed as required by those who attend. Over the years many hundreds of men have passed through our Council. Sometimes as few as 5 have attended meetings, and we have had as many as 40. Some men come almost every month. Some just once in a while. Some go away and come back. Some find the size or frequency of the monthly meeting uncomfortable and instead participate in one of the many small and autonomous support groups that have spun off the Council. |  |
And, some move on to other work but hold the Council in great affection.
Those attending the monthly planning sessions (the "Wisdom Council") for each meeting are often church affiliated -- but this is not a requirement. Over the years this Council has also been an entree for new men to the church -- but that is not its purpose. Our Council is promoted to male members of the church but that isn't even its audience per se. All men are accepted for who they are, where the are, and why they come. To recruit, we have reached out to men personally through regional "new age" publications, through therapists, 12 step programs, and little announcements in local papers. Word of mouth has been most effective.
As a Council, our outside activities have been minimal. We have lead the occasional worship service, sponsored the occasional workshop, and worked on the annual regional men's gathering. But men, as individuals, not as members of the Council, make other contributions to their communities. We have been very successful in what we do, in part because we do not try to be all things. Men have found true Brothers here, friendships that have extended beyond the meetings, and work that extends beyond the personal.
A typical meeting structure:
Afterwards, while many of us adjourn for a beer or burger, the Council meetings will now be immediately followed by a meeting of the Wisdom Council, which can be attended by any man, in order to map out plans for the following month's meeting.
There are plenty of places for men to talk, intellectualize, or use their muscles. But places where we can safely be ourselves, share our feelings, and be accepted are few. This Council gives us a place for that and its effect carries over into our work-a-day lives.
