USING MONTESSORI PHILOSOPHY
IN EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
The following questions and answers are reprinted from the newspaper column "Renaissance Parenting."
GENERAL TOPICS - MIXED
AGES
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OTHER LISTS OF TOPICS (under construction)
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| HOMESCHOOLING
A LA MONTESSORI (ON A BUDGET) Dear Renaissance Parenting, I plan on homeschooling my children. I would like to provide them with the proper materials, but would never be able to spend as much money for all the materials they would encounter in a Montessori school. I would like to know which materials would be considered most essential. E. Tsadanidas, Princeton, NJ Dear Ellen, Montessori materials, made from polished wood, metal, and cloth, are extremely attractive and inviting to children. Because of the strong impression they make on parents visiting a Montessori school, they are often thought to be essential, but they are not! It is the training and ability of the adult that makes a good Montessori class. A friend with whom I studied in London years ago spent her first year teaching in a small country school in Nova Scotia. She had no materials except "practical life" (cooking, building, sewing, cleaning, etc. ) and language (books, alphabets, picture cards). She later told me that this was her best teaching year. Several years ago I taught at a private school in Lima, Peru and had a similar experience. With books, cleaning and art supplies, a guitar, and materials gathered from homes to do physics and botany experiments, we had such a wonderful Montessori class that I ended up doing teacher education to help the other teachers understand the basic principles of Montessori. Many parents originally studied at Montessori training centers in order to become better mothers and fathers, and became teachers of other children because they loved the work (and because there are many job openings for well-trained Montessori teacher in this country today!). If you want to use Montessori principles for homeschooling I suggest that focus more on the theory and practical suggestions. These ideas are based on common sense parenting and teaching. A FEW MONTESSORI TEACHING PRINCIPLES FOR THE HOME: (1) Prepare the environment to help the child act, and think independently, and make intelligent decisions - for example a mattress on the floor for a baby to get in and out of bed as he pleases, low hooks for hanging up towels, pajamas, coats, etc., materials and books always ready for the child to choose. (2) Break down abilities which you want to help your child to develop into manageable sections, each providing a sense of accomplishment and preparing for the next stage - like putting only the napkins on the table when first learning to set the table for a meal, or, learning to do knobbed puzzles before learning to hold a pencil properly. Or create a game of "putting things away," and "cleaning up after a project,"separate from the rest of the work. (3) Have patience, take time, try to respect concentration - even if it is only that of a child trying to put on a sweater, or building with blocks. It is the focus and concentration that is important, not the "educational" value of the activity. GUIDELINES FOR MATERIALS: I do not know the ages of your children, but at all ages I would say that essential materials are those which have a real practical purpose, allow the child to move, and have exact techniques which the child can master - cooking, sewing, gardening, playing a musical instrument, science experiments, for example - math and language will be more successful, no matter what materials are used, if the child has developed concentration, careful work habits, completion of cycles of work, cleaning up after himself, responsibility, solving problems, and making decisions. Materials should be as beautiful and inviting as you can afford, made of natural materials instead of plastic. Think about all of the areas of learning - botany, zoology, art, music, physics, geology, literature, math, etc. and make-borrow-buy a few inspiring books or activities to introduce the child to each area. Then help her follow her interests. Try to have a special place for each book and piece of material so that it can always be found when the child is inspired to work, even labeling the shelves if this helps your family - it helps ours, especially in our library. To reemphasize the point that the environment, the adult, the work of the child are all more important than the materials, let me share with you a favorite quote:
I know happiness does not come with things. For more information on using Montessori to homeschool, go to: www.michaelolaf.net
MONTESSORI PHILOSOPHY Dear Renaissance Parenting, What can I do, if anything, when a parent is being abusive to a child in our store? -Retailer Dear Retailer, This is a frustrating situation for everyone. But keep in mind that if one criticizes a parent for his/her actions this will usually result in more abuse to the child. This is because the parent is already stressed out and taking it out on the child for some reason, and hearing criticism is only going to make her feel worse. A better approach might be to always keep in mind the old saying "We are all doing the best we can with the information we have at the moment." and to see if there is something you can do to reduce the parent's stress level. An offer to hold the baby or entertain the child can sometimes give the message that the stress of the parent is recognized and also that the result of this problem has been observed. The Montessori approach is usually to figure our how to prevent such a scenario by checking the child's needs with the preparation of the environment. The following points might be helpful to parents and to retailers: (1) Healthy, normal children need to move, to touch, to explore. If they in a situation where this is not allowed we must compensate by taking something along for them to work on - crayons, paper, a toy or puzzle, a small tape recorder. A mother of a very young child quickly learns that keys and other interesting objects carried in one's purse are a great help in just such emergencies. I always carried a small artists sketch book and we have several in our home today containing a delightful record of our children's drawings, tic-tac-toe games, etc. The best way to take children into a place where it will be difficult for them to be healthy and normal is to go with both parents or an adult friend. With this arrangement the adults can take turns - one doing the shopping or other errands, and one being completely available to the child or children. (2) Children quite naturally push parents to the limit. This is not being bad, it is merely research to find out exactly what the limits are. If parents are not careful they will teach their children that limits are different at home than they are in public. For example, if a child starts to touch the stove at home, the parent calmly says "no"and gently picks up a young child and moves him across the room, this teaches that "no" means "move away from the object." In a store however the same parent is busy with other things. When the child reaches for an item which he should not touch and the distracted parents says "no," she doesn't have time to remove the child. The child then gets the message that "no" in the store means "go on touching and the parent will say no ten times and finally blow up." Or maybe it means "go on touching and the parent will say no five times and finally let you play with it." It could have different meanings at different times and it is fascinating research for a child, completely engaging and educational. The parent feels pushed to the limits, but the child just wants to know exactly what the rules ARE! (3) For retail stores a good investment is an entertaining place, and an available bathroom, for children. An Example: When the child and parents walk in the door, the first thing they might see is the play area which completely enclosed. There is a low adult chair, so that an adult can sit and talk with the child, or can nurse a baby. There are low tables and chairs, a child-size carpet sweeper, and a full-length mirror. There is a book display containing books of interest to a wide age range and several low wooden shelves, with paper and crayons, puzzles, and toys, neatly arranged with enough space to make them beautifully inviting. The adults who work there check several times a day to be sure that the play area is straightened up, and they sometimes invite children to help them neaten it. Also, the part of the store which is off limits to children is clearly marked, and parents who have missed seeing the play area are invited to make use of it, usually to their great relief. But even with the most carefully arranged environment, and the best limit-setting, we all have to consider just how much time a child can happily spend in a strange environment, taking in new information. In the past, and in some cultures today, children had time to think and to process sensorial input from new experiences. They had more time to play in the sand or with blocks, to do puzzles, to take walks, to read, or to do other peaceful and real work around the house on which they could focus and concentrate. During times like these a child can think, process information, figure things out, incorporate new impressions into a developing personality and world view. Today children have rushed, intense lives, full of input - television, driving, school, driving, lessons, driving, shopping, driving, radio, and more television - and not enough time for processing It is comforting to parents to realize that rushing from place to place every day is often a habit which can be changed when we examine or lives to discover what is essential and what is not. Of course it is sometimes absolutely necessary to be in a child-unfriendly situation, but with practice we can all reduce stress in our lives by limiting these experiences, and learning to handle them with grace. PARENTS MODELING BEHAVIOR FOR CHILDREN Dear Renaissance Parenting, What do you think the most important thing is for parents to model for their children. S.A., McKinleyville Dear S.A., If you don't mind, I would like to answer your question by quoting Dr. Benjamin Spock. At age 92 he published a book that reflects the wisdom of his accumulated experience A Better World for Our Children: Rebuilding American Family Values. He was asked almost the same question in an interview in an issue of "Parents' Press", Berkeley, CA. His answer puts a basic tenet of Montessori philosophy into new words: I think the most important value by far is to bring up children excited about helping other people, first in their family, and then other people outside. More than anything else, children want to help - it makes them feel grown up. That includes simple things like being able to set the table. Parents say, "Oh, I can do it quicker myself," but that misses the point. Children should be encouraged to help, to be kind and loving to other people. I think these are the spiritual values that are quite obvious, but we're not paying enough attention to them. So many kids are brought up to think of themselves first. I've heard fathers say to their sons, "You're in the world to get ahead, kid." I want to demystify the idea of spirituality by showing that it comes down to specifics like helping your parents at home, or imagining how you can grow up to be a helpful person to the world, rather than focusing on making a big pile of dough, or achieving some position in a company. Anthropological studies from all over the world show that children can be taught any set of values that their parents and their group truly believe in. If children worship material success rather than truth or compassion, it is because they have absorbed those values from others. We should not let children grow up believing that they are in the world primarily to acquire possessions or to get ahead. If we give them no spiritual values to live by, they are wide open to the materialism pounded in by television programs, music videos and other commercial hucksterism. In Montessori schools the ages in groups of children always span at least three years, age 2-6, 3-7, 6-9, 6-12, 12-15, and so on. This is vital because in such natural, family-like groups children learn to help each other, teach each other, ask for help, observe to see if they are needed, to be responsible for others, and to feel good about themselves. Unlike the situation in a family, where one will always be the first child or the middle child, this child gets to move from being the youngest to being the oldest. The kindergarten year in a Montessori preschool, or the sixth grade of an elementary class are magical for a child. It is in this year that the generosity and responsibility that Dr. Spock talks about above comes to fruition and these spiritual values become part of the child's being.
TELEVISION! PASSIVE OBSERVATION
Dear Renaissance Parenting, There are a lot of wonderful programs on TV but I sometimes have the feeling, at the end of a day where I family has watched an hour or two, that life is being wasted. What do you think about the value of television. Name withheld by request of teenagers in the family Dear Teenagers and Family, Ours was the first family in our small town in Indiana to have a television and I have very fond memories of Howdy Doody and the Mickey Mouse Club. Yes, there are some great music and nature programs on the air. But, the average child watches three hours a day of television and this time is not taken from sleeping or going to school, it is stolen from the highest quality of life's experiences - thinking, walking in nature, making music, talking and laughing together as a family, gardening, building, baking, visiting with and helping friends and neighbors, painting, enjoying leisurely family meals, and so on... Television, contrary to what we are lead to believe, is an anti-experience and an anti-knowledge machine because it separates individuals from themselves and from the environment and makes them believe they are living while they are only observing passively what other people decide to make them see. The negative effect of television on young children shows clearly at school time. Primary teachers report a significant decline in the manual abilities of five and six-year-olds. During the first years of life hand work is crucial for the development of the brain. -Dr. Silvana Montanaro, MD, psychiatrist, Rome, Italy The primary danger of the television screen lies not so much in the behavior it produces as the behavior it prevents... Turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children into adults. -Urie Bronfenbrenner, Professor of Human Development, Cornell University We are learning more all the time about the negative affects of television - hyperactivity, aggressive behavior, desensitization, fear, obesity, ill health, violence, dishonesty, and immorality similar to that modeled on soap operas and talk shows. Many of us have moved To the country to give our children a gentle childhood, but with television we may have brought the worse part of our culture to the country with us. However those of us who are ourselves addicted to this passive activity find it very difficult to completely remove it from our homes. If you would really like to go cold turkey with TV there are two publications which might inspire you to this end. The first is the book Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television, and the second, an excellent pamphlet entitled "Television and the Young Child." (available from usaami3@aol.com or michaelola@aol.com) If this is too drastic a step for your family, let me quote Dr. Montanaro again for some suggestions: Television should ideally be viewed with adults who can comment on it and guide children to a more conscious understanding of what they are seeing. We should make it possible for children to collaborate with us as soon as they can walk well so they are busy in real activities... read together, play cards or chess, paint, and ...talk! The family is the first place where children must live the values we say we believe in. In the family begins the transformation of society. POWER AND OBEDIENCE Dear Renaissance Parenting, My husband and I have a disagreement about obedience; he expects absolute compliance with commands, where I see that sometimes our children are deeply involved in an activity that makes them hesitate. Does obedience come only through fear of the power of the adult? Dear Reader, I think your husband is correct in believing that children must learn to comply absolutely with commands. But I would add that obedience comes only through trust in the power of the adult. A child feels a great security and safety in knowing that his or her parent is in charge. If a child starts to touch a hot stove or run out into the street and the parent says "no," the child must know what that "no" means "stop." But there are some very important things to keep in mind in teaching the child to obey. Among these are the age and developmental stage of the child, how this lesson is taught, how often a parent should command, and when he or she should command. STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT: When a child is under the age of three there is a strong contact with inner drives to develop, mentally and physically. The child can only do what he needs to do as dictated by this inner guide. He needs to talk, move, climb, experiment, touch, and so on. Redirection is the key at this age. If the child is starting to climb on the dining room table, take him to a place where this climbing is okay. If he is talking non-stop in church, or at a performance, take him out of the room to a place where he can keep talking. CLARITY OF THE LESSON: When it becomes necessary to completely stop an action instead of redirecting it, make the message clear. If the child is reaching for an electric outlet, pick him up and gently remove him as you say the word "no." Don't shout "no!" and then wait expectantly, as if daring him to reach again. In the first instance the lesson, or the message, is "stop the activity." In the second it is "I am expecting you to disobey me, and I am getting mad at you." In this second example the child becomes confused and fearful - "Does he want me to stop reaching, or to reach again? Which thing will make him stop being mad at me?" Obedience that comes about only through fear is temporary, and is not a very good preparation for life. THE FREQUENCY OF COMMANDS: It is always helpful to put ourselves in our child's place when we are trying to decide on a tactic of child raising. If the parent only commands when necessary - like "stay out of the street," the child will always pay attention. If commands are handed out all day long, how is the child to know when to take them seriously? Instead he learns to ignore them all. To begin to break this constant-command habit, it is helpful for parents to examine their daily language, to try to use non-directive statements like "Dinner is ready." instead of "Come and eat.", or choices like "Do you want your milk in a cup or a glass?" instead of "Drink your milk." THE TIMING OF COMMANDS: Finally, and most importantly, you are absolutely right in your intuition to respect the deep involvement of your children in activities. When children are concentrating, focusing, deeply involved in work for a part of each day, they become calmer, more friendly, and much easier to live with. Watching to see what a child is doing before speaking is a way of showing the respect due to any person, young or old. For permission to reprint this information in other parenting publications please contact:
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SELF ESTEEM, PART
1
Dear Renaissance Parenting, My question is about self-esteem. Do you think it can be given to a child, or must it come from the child's own achievement? How can we help children who have low self-esteem. Felicia Oldfather, musician Dear Felicia, "Self-esteem" is talked about a lot in education and psychology today. But it seems to me that there are two levels of self-esteem being confused as one. One is shallow, transitory, and dependent upon constant or at least periodic validation from someone other than oneself. It is sort of like the traditional search for fame, wealth, and power, or grades, or the approval of teachers. The other is deep, solid, and dependent solely upon the actions of oneself. The result is more often the self-actualized, content human being who has no need for fame, wealth and power, grades or approval. The first can indeed be given to the child - and it can be taken away. The second must come from the child's own achievement. But we must always look at the reason for this achievement to find which the level of self-esteem is being gained. Is the child working or behaving in a certain way in order to get the approval of others or because it is really a satisfying an inner need? Even though the word "self-esteem" implies that we are talking about a feeling that comes from the self, very few children or adults in our culture actually get to the highest level of fulfillment, inner peace, and confidence, that comes from loving and being proud of oneself. Dr. Montessori's most famous work with children was in the Roman slums of San Lorenzo in 1907. She did not set out to aid children's self-esteem, but that is just what happened. There are many stories about this first Montessori "Casa dei Bambini" (House of Children) which attracted worldwide attention, but one of the main lessons learned is that children, when given the chance, prefer real work to make believe. This real work, when not required, rewarded, or manipulated by the adult in any way, and the deep concentration which it calls forth, leads to a kind of healing of the spirit. The result is true self-esteem, and an overflowing of love and care for others and for the environment. In the beginning the first Casa dei Bambini was very much like some modern preschools, beautifully outfitted with dolls, dress-up, make-believe, and adult-led art or other activities. But Dr. Montessori was an astute observer of human nature. She spent many hours taking notes of exactly what the children did during the day, and many hours going over these notes, thinking, and planning changes in the environment to follow the interests of and to aid the complete development of the children. More and more she saw that they wanted lessons in an area of work which is today called "practical life," and with self-correcting puzzles and other materials which allowed them to be completely independent of an adult in their work. Because the children had shown an interest, and been allowed to participate in the real work, they ignored the dolls, the doll houses, the play kitchen, and the other toys. Dr. Montessori showed them different ways to play with the dolls to try and get them interested, but the children could hardly wait to get back to the real work, for this was what fulfilled them and created a new kind of self-esteem, calmness, and joy. Visitors to the Casa dei Bambini brought the usual gifts of candy, praise, even sometimes even the traditional little badges of achievement which were given out to reward good behavior. The children were unaffected, even disdainful, of these rewards. They were not working to please an adult or because of any coercion or reward system. They were working for deeper, more important reasons, and this work fostered the highest level of self-esteem. Writing about this reminds me of the time I suggested that a young mother visit a Montessori preschool instead of trying to learn about Montessori through books. After her visit, which began an hour after the children arrived, I asked her what she thought. She replied that it was very beautiful and interesting, "...but", she said, "when do the children get to do what THEY want to do?" I was shocked! I had visited that class many times and I knew that the children were always doing what they wanted to do. I had watched them come in and, with no suggestion from the teacher, pick out the activity each wanted to work on. Their choices usually included math work, movable alphabets for writing stories, puzzles for the exploration of size, shape and color, geography puzzle maps, setting the table or washing dishes, painting and then spending a long time scrubbing the easel, and many other activities. I thought a long time about her question and finally realized that for this mother, as for most of us, working on math, language, cleaning, and geography, were not the favorite choices of our childhood activities. This women assumed, understandably, that children would rather be playing with dolls or being entertained, than to be concentrating on important and difficult work. As adults, what gives us the highest level of self-esteem? Is it watching a movie? Dressing up and being admired for our looks or our clothing? Spending hours weeding and making a garden beautiful? Earning a lot of money? Getting elected president of the board? Earning a degree? Washing windows for money? Washing windows because it feels good? Learning a new piano piece which we thought we would never be able to learn? Winning a piano competition? Which of these gives us the lowest level of self-esteem, the level which is dependent on praise or recognition from others? Which give us true inner self-esteem. If we discover the difference for ourselves we can better understand the motivation for activity, and the development of true self-esteem in children. Felicia, as far as the second part of your question, How can we help children who have low self-esteem , the answer is: Certainly. But how we go about this depends on the needs and the stages of development of children. Next week I will give some suggestions on how adults can aid the development of self-esteem at different periods of a child's life. I made a comment in the beginning, that very few children or adults in our culture actually get to experience the highest level of self esteem. I learned a lot about the reasons for this sad situation in a book by Alfie Kohn called Punished by Rewards "The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A's, praise, and other bribes." I'm sure you would find it valuable. SELF-ESTEEM, PART 2 The second part of the answer to the following question: Dear Renaissance Parenting, My question is about self-esteem. Do you think it can be given to a child, or must it come from the child's own achievement? Can we help children who have low self-esteem. -Felicia Oldfather, musician Dear Felicia, Here are a few suggestions on how adults can aid the development of self-esteem at different periods of a child's life. SELF-ESTEEM IN THE NEWBORN: Aiding the development of movement and language, and respecting natural rhythms, are the keys to helping an infant keep his natural self-esteem. In the womb the child has slept and wakened, and exercised his muscles exactly according to his needs. The child is born with a natural self-esteem, knowing that he is doing everything right. Here are some specific ways we can help him continue with this natural development of abilities, independence, and self-esteem. 1- From the first day on respect his ability to go to sleep naturally, being careful not to train him to think that he is dependent on the actions of someone else for this simple and natural function. 2- Let him sleep until he awakens naturally. 3- Dress him in as few clothes as necessary, and have movement areas in several areas of the house - to allow for free movement of the whole body. 4- Avoid swings, walkers, and other objects which put him into positions he cannot get into by himself. This gives the message that whatever he can do at the moment, turn over, sit-up, crawl, is exactly the right thing. 5- Talk to him with the same respectful voice and vocabulary as you would anyone else. 6- Learn to identify the meanings all of the many vocalizations from birth on - they are messages such as "My left arm is asleep." "I want to see my dad." "Someone please talk to me." "This wet diaper feels creepy." "I'm tired of looking at this ceiling." "I am hungry." "Why is everyone in the other room?" "The Mozart sonata is far preferable to that TV ad." "Please touch my head." "Hey, how about a bath!", and so forth. 7- Respond as quickly and as correctly as you can to these requests. 8- Look before interrupting him. He may be concentrating on looking at something, learning to move forward on all fours, reaching a rattle, and many other important activities. If we wait until he has completed the effort before picking him up, the message is that his choice of work was important, and so is he. SELF ESTEEM AT AGE ONE: For a year now the child has watched the family do lots of interesting things, and she has been working hard to get up on two legs, her hands freed to join in the work. The best thing we can do for her at this age is to welcome her into all of our daily activities. There are hundreds of little ways she can join in, in small ways at first, to be part of the real work of life. Here are some specific suggestions: 1- Let her help set the table, even if it is just reaching up and putting the napkins next to the plates. 2- brushing the dog 3- picking dead leaves off of the sidewalk 4- putting clothes into the dryer 5- Let the child expend the maximum effort in carrying things, climbing, walking long distances. These successes build self-esteem. 6- Engage her in conversation and give her choices. Even though she isn't responding in full sentences, or even words, she appreciates the respect you show her by talking with her. SELF ESTEEM AT AGE TWO: At this age the child has a strong and healthy need for independence, and encouraging this independence feeds his self-esteem. Specific suggestions: 1- Continue with all of the above suggestions. 2- Give choices - questions like "Do you want to apple or orange juice?" "Do you want to use a spoon or a fork?" "Do you want to wear this scarf or that one?" are much more successful than "Drink your juice.""Eat." or "We are going outside now." They encourage thinking, decision making, and cooperation. 3- Show the child, over and over, patiently, how to put on boots, brush his teeth, wipe, clean up spills, put clothes away, brush his hair, how to put on a jacket, all of this things that, when done for oneself build self-esteem, improve coordination, and provide for the child's need for independence. 4- Communicate on an equal level. A child know when he is being ignored in conversation, or spoken down to, in a voice usually reserved for the dog or the cat. We have all felt the difference in our own self-esteem between being ignored, or included in the conversation. SELF ESTEEM FROM AGE THREE TO SIX: I haven't mentioned television, but, as we can see from all of the activities mentioned above, there is plenty of real and interesting work for the child to do when we really get good at including her in our lives, and the need for such passive entertainment doesn't even become an issue. Aside from all of the daily work of life, the child is now able to share many of our hobbies and interests, poetry, making music, working on the car, gardening, many things. Specific suggestions: 1- Continue with the above ideas. 2- As much as possible do your real work, and engage in pastimes, when the child at home. Don't wait until she is out of the house. She needs to see the work carried out for awhile first, and then join in a bit at a time. 3- Set an active and joyful example about what activities are important in life. Commercial and passive pastimes, such as going to the mall or watching TV are far inferior to cleaning, sewing, baking, drawing, building, visiting with friends, offering food to friends, reading, arranging flowers, singing, playing music, all of the most important activities in a happy life. SELF ESTEEM FROM AGE SIX TO TWELVE: This is a time for more social interactions, intellectual exploration, and increasing independence. The child changes daily and we have to change with him. Analyse your child's day, in school if you are a teacher, as home if a parents. What are you now doing that he could just as easily do? This is difficult, because we are so used to "taking care of", not realizing that any unnecessary help is actually a hindrance to development. I once visited a Montessori 6-12 class where one child welcomed me and got me a chair, another asked if I would like a cup of tea, and brought the guest book to be signed. Then I watched two children phone a museum in San Francisco to arrange a field trip and call the parents on the field trip drivers list to arrange the transportation. Another child took the attendance and marked off the calendar, and when it was time several children started clearing tables to prepare for lunch, all without a word from the teacher. Imagine the level of self-esteem of theses children. Look for activities which you are doing, that could be done by the child in your school or home. 1- In School - taking attendance, grading papers, testing each others math facts, making phone calls, keeping track of state requirements in math, etc., planning work schedules for themselves, cleaning and organizing the environment, planning and carrying out ecological and social projects, and so on. 2- At Home - planning meals, shopping, cooking and baking, cleaning everything, fixing things that break, organizing shelves and closets, figuring out exactly what the daily family work is, experimenting with different ways to share it, budgeting, making phone calls, writing family thank you notes, composting, looking for and carrying out service projects, and so forth. SELF ESTEEM FROM AGE TWELVE ON: Sometime during these next few years, the child quite literally becomes an adult. We need to work especially hard to help her find real meaning to her life. And we need to work on ourselves even more because it is very difficult for a parent to realize that baby-infant-child has suddenly all of the needs as an adult! It is not enough to do school work in the hopes of college success, or for some other future goal. There is an intense feeling that something wonderful and important is about to happen, and a need to create and to change things. We have all seen what happens when this expectation fails to be realized - children change things by destroying, or by wasting their time and energy. We can help during this precarious time, and aid the child's self esteem by some of the following methods: 1- Keep communication open, learn and share communication skills 2- Help her find real work and responsibility. 3- Commiserate with the society and educational demands made on young people today. Listen. Treat her as you would an equal as much as possible, listening to your words and the tone of your voice to see if you would talk to another adult in this way. 4- Be easy on yourself. Realize that there are no blueprints or experts on adolescents in today's culture. This is really a pretty brief list, but the thread weaving its way through all of these points is the same: real self-esteem is dependent on what one really thinks about oneself, and it is fed by effort and success on important work. It is participation in activities that call for the coordination of the brain and body working together, concentration, effort, striving for perfection, that call forth the best of the person and build self-esteem.
LEARNING TO LOVE HISTORY Dear Renaissance Parenting, Can you tell me how history is taught in the Montessori system? All I remember of my school experience is hating dates. Later my husband and traveled a bit and became enthralled with the history of countries we visited, but that method is impractical as far as sharing history with our children. They are 4 and 8. How can I help them learn to love history the way we do? Thank you. Dear Reader, Before the age of six children are in the motor-sensorial period of life. That means that they do not learn well while sitting still, but need to move around and to use all of their senses. You could play music from many different cultures, show pictures and give them objects to handle from different cultures. Creating and dressing up in ethnic costumes and eating ethnic foods is a wonderful preparation for history. This can be as simple as a sheet tied over the head and a lunch of dates for an Arabic experience, maybe inspired by a local belly-dancing performance. A key principle in Montessori is to "follow the child." These history lessons are much more successful if they follow a question, an experience, or an interest of the child, rather than a timetable or lesson plan of the adult. If your child sees someone playing African drums, for example, and wants to know more about this culture, this is the time to dance to African music, cook couscous and look in the library for picture books of Africa. In this way you and your child will be searching together for something you both are already interested in. If you out-of-the-blue decide to give an Eskimo lesson you may have to spend most of the time entertaining or trying to interest the child and much of the experience can be lost. Do you have a regular time during which you read to your children? You might check out the nonfiction children's section of the library. There are some really well illustrated children's versions of historic novels and biographies. Any book that is interesting to the parent will be interesting to the child. For the child from six to twelve years of age, Montessori schools have discovered that children need an overall picture first, and then the details which they can fit into this broad overview. From age 6-8 in Montessori schools the focus is on the creation of earth and prehistoric life. From age 8-10 it is on early civilizations, from tribal cultures to the development of cities. From age 10-12 the child's own national and state history is emphasized. Can you see how being presented with the overall or broad picture first can help the following studies make sense? However because children in a Montessori class are mixed in ages from 6 -12 and all of these experiences are going on all the time, the child can delve into any aspect of history at any time. And this interest quite naturally flows into the other areas of study, such as math, language, and art. For the older child in a Montessori class history is kept as varied and interesting as for the younger. Children study the needs of humans - food, transportation, shelter, clothing, defense, religion, language and so on - and research cultures to find out how these needs have been met by different groups of people. You may find that your children want to express this new information by cooking, making up stories, working on ethnic arts and crafts, singing and dancing, even making timelines, maps and charts. A child easily remembers the dates of an historical period when she has chosen to study it and has created something of her own. In my opinion it is the quality of the experiences rather than quantity that is important. If you think back on what you remember about history in your life it was probably not a neatly laid out and planned curriculum of history lessons, and certainly not dates! It was people, experiences, interesting historical novels, the answers to your pressing questions, or a friend or teacher with a passion to share - and it sounds like you have the passion to share with your children
Copyright Susan Stephenson 1994 - 1999 Thank you.
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